The Judge

The next day was a busy one. I met with my friend, Alex ‘Fritz’ Fitzsimmons, in New Haven and went computer shopping for

the right computer and hardware he thought I would need. Finding the right computer, according to what Fritz recommended,

took all morning. Finding the right computer desk, with a quality oak finish, took most of the afternoon.

Following a leisurely dinner, during which we discussed my new job at length, I returned ‘home’ at 10 o’clock.

The computer and desk were scheduled for delivery in two days so the next morning, in preparation for the delivery, Tony, the

gardener and handyman, and I moved all the furniture out of my new office. After the maid vacuumed and cleaned all the other

surfaces we measured the walls and made decisions about where the computer desk and other furnishings would go. I also

called the local TV cable company and made arrangements for the computer connections to be connected to the cable

system. We decided to wait until after the computer was installed before moving the files.

By late Friday morning of that week my office was ready to go. The computer and all accessories had been installed and

tested and the files had been moved in. The files took up all of one wall and the remaining wall space where the computer

was installed.

I looked at the challenge ahead of me and wondered if I had made a wise decision. Going through each of these files would

take years, unless I had help. The one file my brother and I had perused on our fishing trip had averaged about two hours a

day, part time. Besides, my main job was to help the senator with his speeches. I asked the judge if I could hire a temporary

secretary with a sense of humor.

“Of course, my boy, whatever you need. But why the sense of humor?”

“Well, basically what she will do is transfer your files to the computer, but at the same time I want her to watch for snippets that

have some humor in them that can be worked into your speeches.”

“How will you know if she has a sense of humor?”

“I think I’ll know by her demeanor, and by the way she answers my questions. Okay then, I’ll go into New Haven Monday

morning and see if I can interview a few prospective secretaries. In the meantime, I don’t have any plans for the weekend so if

you have a speech for me to look at I can do that.”

“I’ll deliver my first draft to you in the morning. Which reminds me of another thought I have had. Unless you object, I would like

you to move into one of the upstairs bedrooms. It would make communication easier.”

“I had thought of asking you that, but hesitated. I agree it would improve communication, but I don’t want it to interfere with my

privacy.”

“I understand,” he replied. “I was a young stud once, also.”

The next morning Judge Summers handed me what he said was his first draft. It was, as he implied, dry and humorless; I

could see why he needed help. The subject matter was the judge’s role in conducting a trial: all the way from selecting a jury,

to opening arguments, to how to rule in disputed testimony, and closing.

I could see that my job would not be an easy one. How to insert humor into a subject that, in itself, had no humor, would be a

challenge.

I asked him to read it aloud to me and suggested a few places where he could change the wording so that it was less stilted

and would flow better. I also referred to several sections where his inflection could liven up the presentation and leave an

opening for a lighter approach.

“It sounds to me,” said the judge, “as if I’m going back to school.”

“In a sense it is,” I replied. “But as you are just beginning to do some serious writing, you’re entering new territory. And I think

you’ll agree that new territory has to be explored before entering.”

I gave the speech back to him with some annotations and suggested he work on those points. “I’ll search some web sites on

the computer and find ideas we can slip in at the proper places.”

I did some research on the computer that afternoon and found several web sites that catered to adding humor to speeches

and lectures, websites that some of my professors probably used. I did find several that could be used some time in the

future by the judge but none to fit his current subject.

Before meeting with the judge that afternoon I moved my belongings from the small room I had used as a student into a larger

room in the main section of the manor. With two walk-in closets and two large chests of drawers, for the first time in several

years I had space to spare. There was also a small desk I could work at if I was in the writing mode.

When I met with the judge later in the day he handed me a revised edition of his speech. Again, he read it to me and I found it

much improved. I suggested two places where humor could be inserted. One was the trial with the woman suing for the pit

bull; another was about a minister demonstrating sins of the body by placing worms in jars containing clean earth, smoke,

and alcohol. At the end of the sermon he asked his congregation to comment on the results. The worm in the jar of clean

earth was still alive, while the other two worms had died. A waggish voice from the rear of the congregation called out, “If you

smoke and drink you won’t have worms.”

Judge Summers took the next three days off to visit family members in Boston, with the promise he would have the speech

ready by Wednesday.

* * *

Monday morning I went to an employment agency in New Haven that provided temporary secretarial help and made

arrangements to interview three candidates for the job that afternoon.

The first two looked like they had been squeezed out of the same bottle, dry and waspish. Their credentials were

impeccable, but neither seemed to have a sense of humor.

The third was quite different. An attractive redhead, she entered with a bright smile on her face and pretended not to notice

my youth, as the other two had. She offered me a hand to shake and introduced herself as Andrea Roberts. “My friends call

me Andy,” she said.

Her credentials were also excellent. She had been office manager for a local beverage distributor. Now 39, she had quit 8

years ago to raise a family. Now that her three children were all in school she had signed up with the agency. This was her

first interview.

“I have to tell you, up front, that I would like to work only from 9 to 3 so that I can be home when my children are home,” she

stated.

“I see no problem with that,” I answered. I then proceeded to outline what I needed from her; that I worked for Judge Summers

as his aide and was just beginning to go through his files.

“My main job, as I see it, is to help the judge in adding a little lightness and humor to speeches he has been commissioned to

give. Beyond that, his courtroom files, which cover about 25 years, need to be filed in some form, on the computer. That is

part of what you will be doing.

“The other part, and where I need the most help, is to select from his files excerpts that can be used in his speeches,

particularly some that would add humor to what otherwise might be a dull and sleep invoking speech. That’s paraphrasing

what the judge himself said.”

“I’m not sure I will recognize those humorous excerpts,” she replied.

“I interviewed two other women before you and knew they would not be able to; they were too stiff and square for me. You

seem to be more in touch with life. I’m sure you have an excellent sense of humor or this interview would have ended long

before now.

“I need to add that I have no idea how long it will take to complete going through the files. It might be several months or it

might be several years, so it’s open-ended, as is my job. Also, both the judge and I will be gone from time to time as we

pursue other endeavors but you will be on salary and will be paid even when we’re not around.”

“Supposing I want to take a vacation with my family, will I get time off?”

“I’m sure that can be arranged. You will probably be far ahead of me in transposing the court documents, so even if you’re

gone for several weeks I doubt I would be at a loss for anything.

“In fact, I might be gone for several months at a time doing research for my writing.”

“Oh, you’re a writer?”

“An aspiring one. Like you will be, I’m on an open-ended contract. Either the judge or I can end it at any time. It’s a wonderful

opportunity for me; I can take time off when the opportunity presents itself and still get my salary. The judge is a very

understanding man.”

“Okay, you’ve sold me, except we haven’t discussed salary.”

I mentioned a generous figure that made her eyes gleam.

She jumped in with, “When do I start?”

“As soon as you can arrange it. I assume you have transportation and can drive about 15 miles each way.” She nodded her

head.

I got out a contract form similar to the one I had that stated in part: This is an open-ended employment agreement that can be

ended at any time by mutual agreement of both parties.

“This is basically the same contract as I signed.”

“I’ll need to make a few arrangements,” Andy said. “Would next Monday be soon enough?”

“Fine.” I had her sign the contract dated for the following Monday, signed it as a witness and gave her a copy. I also gave her

detailed instructions for finding the judge’s house and the phone number she would need.

Judge Summers returned that Wednesday evening and handed me a copy of the speech which I took to my office to read

before retiring for the night. In the morning I again had him read it to me and pronounced it ready. He read it without hesitation

as if he was presenting it extemporaneously.

I informed him of hiring Andy and the salary I had promised her.

“You did fine, boy; if you think she is right for the job I’m sure she is.” He continued, “We will need to leave next Wednesday

for Atlantic City, so you will probably need to spend next Monday and Tuesday getting her heading in the right direction.”

For the rest of the week I spent most of the time reading more of the files and extracting excerpts I thought could be used in

later speeches. I was amazed at the variety of cases that went through his court, mostly petty crimes at this stage of his

career. Later on I’m sure, he handled more involved ones.

I took the weekend off to visit my brother in Boston. We took in two Red Sox games. Amazingly, they won both games,

against the Yankees.

Monday morning Andy arrived shortly before 9 o’clock. I left her to familiarize herself with the computer and went to bring my

laundry to the house-keeper, Mrs. Campbell, another perk to my job.

At about 10:30 I brought the judge to meet Andy. He was more gracious than usual and told Andy, “I’m sure that if Charlie

thinks you’re capable, you must be.” This was the first time he had called me by name; until now he had called me ‘boy.’

When the judge left I sat next to Andy and asked her if she was ready to use the computer.

“Oh, yes. This computer is much less complicated than what I’m used to.”

“Okay, I want to suggest an order in which you do things. If you can think of a better way, please let me know.

“I think you should read through a file first, and as you are reading it make notes of excerpts you think the judge might be able

to use. Then type the file into the computer. Is that okay with you?”

“I’ll start that way and if I think there’s a better system, I’ll let you know.”

“Sounds good to me. Oh, I don’t recall if I told you, the judge and I will be leaving Wednesday and will be gone for the rest of

the week. I’ll get you a key, in case the place is all locked up and I’ll introduce you to our housekeeper and our gardener so

they will recognize you when you arrive in the morning. Some-thing else, I notice you brought your lunch with you today. That

won’t be necessary unless you prefer it that way. Mrs. Sharp serves a great lunch and I could use the company.”

Later in the day I brought Mrs. Campbell and Tony in to meet Andy.

* * *

Wednesday afternoon I flew with the judge to Atlantic City where we checked in to a hotel where the Judge had reserved a 2

bedroom suite. As he wished to retire at an early hour I went out on my own to make the rounds of the clubs and casinos.

I dropped a few shekels on the slots and went to a lounge show that featured an excellent singer singing show tunes. That he

was surrounded by a bevy of scantily clad dancers added to my enjoyment of the show.

On Thursday the judge went through his speech one more time and then again I was on my own as the judge had dinner with

friends. I called another college friend who lived in the area and was invited to have dinner with him and his wife. Again, I went

through the routine of my job, describing the opportunities that presented themselves.

Friday night was the big event and was taking place across the street from the hotel. The judge introduced me as his

assistant before taking his seat at the head table. I was provided a seat at a table with other ‘assistants.’

Judge Summers presented his speech to perfection. Each nuance had the proper inflection, each joke was woven into the

speech very naturally and brought spontaneous laughter.

After the dinner Judge Summers came to my table and asked me if I would care to join him and a few friends for an after

dinner drink or two at the hotel bar and lounge.

“I would love to,” I said.

He introduced me to four other men, all about his age, and all retired judges.

“This is Charlie Ashton, my aide and speech facilitator,” was his introduction. “Charlie has been a God-send for me. I think

tonight’s speech went remarkably well, all because of Charlie, don’t you?”

One of the men shook his head and replied, “I was waiting for the real Jonathon Summers to show up. I couldn’t believe it was

you. What happened to the old, hard-nosed judge we knew?”

Judge Summers clapped me on the back and replied, “All the credit goes to Charlie. He was one of my student residents for

several years and brought much laughter to my dinner table. I knew then I had to cultivate him so when he got his degree I

snared him.”

Turning to me one of the judges asked, “Do you have a law degree?”

“No, Sir, I majored in literature and creative writing. The reason I’m working for Judge Summers is, to use his term, he actually

snared me. He dangled some of his case files under my nose and I recognized the wealth of material a writer could glean

from his files and accepted his offer. So far, I’ve found it fascinating.”

“Are you a writer?” asked another.

“I hope to become a writer. I’m not sure in what genre, but the judge’s files might provide an opening.”

“When you have something ready to be published, call me,” he continued. “My son is in the publishing business and is always

looking for talented young writers.” He handed me one of his business cards.

“Thank you, Sir, I will.”

Saturday morning the judge mentioned that it was his turn to go fishing. “Next Tuesday I will fly to Wyoming with a friend and

go on a float trip there. If you would like to take some time off, this would be a good time.”

“Thank you, Judge, I believe I will take you up on that. A lady friend I dated in college is spending the summer in Paris, and

invited me to visit.”

“Aha,” said the judge, with a grin.

“What do you mean, Aha? I replied, with an answering grin.

“I’ve been wondering when you were going to sow some of your wild oats.”

* * *

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